I’m going to visit my father tomorrow.
He will not be there, but the idea of him will be. The memories I still have of him will be. I wish I could be in his presence, see his face, look into his eyes. The same color eyes he gave to my sister and I. Instead I will be looking into a gray piece of stonework with his name on it. The same name that he gave to my brother.
I have known loss from an early age, and have felt a mix of emotions with it over the years. If the subject comes up, people sometimes ask me, “Do you miss him?”
Well yes, I miss him, but it is so much more then that. The thing that really gets to me is all the things he never got to see me do, all the things he didn’t get to experience, and the lifelong relationship that I never got to have with him. It’s hard not to tear up when writing this. It is something I rarely talk about to anyone, and just seeing the words is enough to make my heart feel heavy.
If I had the chance to do just one thing with my father, just one. I would want to sing a song with him. He was a talented musician, and I can only hope to one day be as brilliant as he was. It could be any song he wanted even if I didn’t know it, I would just make things up. I think he would of liked that more than I would.
And If I had the chance to tell him just one thing it would be that I love him, and my mother still loves him, and my sister and brother. We all love you. The grandchildren you never got to meet love you, too.
The few pictures I have of you hang on my walls. Even though you don’t get to see me, I see you everyday. Even though you might not hear me, I sing to you everyday. Even though you will never get to look into my eyes, I see yours everyday.
Even if it is only through a 5x7 moment of frozen time, I see you.
I love you.
He will not be there, but the idea of him will be. The memories I still have of him will be. I wish I could be in his presence, see his face, look into his eyes. The same color eyes he gave to my sister and I. Instead I will be looking into a gray piece of stonework with his name on it. The same name that he gave to my brother.
I have known loss from an early age, and have felt a mix of emotions with it over the years. If the subject comes up, people sometimes ask me, “Do you miss him?”
Well yes, I miss him, but it is so much more then that. The thing that really gets to me is all the things he never got to see me do, all the things he didn’t get to experience, and the lifelong relationship that I never got to have with him. It’s hard not to tear up when writing this. It is something I rarely talk about to anyone, and just seeing the words is enough to make my heart feel heavy.
If I had the chance to do just one thing with my father, just one. I would want to sing a song with him. He was a talented musician, and I can only hope to one day be as brilliant as he was. It could be any song he wanted even if I didn’t know it, I would just make things up. I think he would of liked that more than I would.
And If I had the chance to tell him just one thing it would be that I love him, and my mother still loves him, and my sister and brother. We all love you. The grandchildren you never got to meet love you, too.
The few pictures I have of you hang on my walls. Even though you don’t get to see me, I see you everyday. Even though you might not hear me, I sing to you everyday. Even though you will never get to look into my eyes, I see yours everyday.
Even if it is only through a 5x7 moment of frozen time, I see you.
I love you.
