No one remembers
They say, everyone gone is only a few generations from being forgotten forever. I've come to realize this is true for all of us.. which .. for those still here, is hard to swallow. She was..18. A kid really. Selfish? Probably. Do...I want to know what she wrote-directed at me?... been asking myself that for 20 years. Haunts me, kills me... not that anyone will ever read this, but stories...the truth, should be told. Silly youths, 19 and 18. Fell in love. Things got ... bad- controlling, badgering, ... I/he couldn't deal with it anymore. So young and stupid he was... so he left. Paid 2 months rent in their apartment and just left. So...she came to him, begged, didn't understand all he needed was space. A week, maybe two.... met at the park.. talked for hours. So naive I was. She actually said she'd "never kill myself over you". Never expected that comment, was....weird at the time.. but was "uhh..OK..good".. time went and gone.. hell maybe just a few days. Got the call at work.. found out. Was what many would describe as your soul being ripped from your body. I hung up the phone and...spent the work day outside on the curb, sitting there, unable to move. Earlier that same day, a few hours prior to the call, this ... sensation of missing her came over me, was the same feeling I had when I first met her - so I had thought, after work, I'd get in touch with her and try to take things slow. Having no idea at the time the sirens I heard the night before, outside the rosebowl, was in fact her death - which would haunt a father of two for the rest of his life. Again ... I've learned to live with this - only so many tears a soul can create. All 45 stages of grief I've been through over and over again. What kills me today is that so few even know this innocent beautiful soul existed. I will always blame myself, but I know it could have been anyone... still....here I am, 230am, again,haunted, over 20 years after the fact....