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Michelle Roan
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Updated: May 29, 2025
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This was my grandmother (Gram) and was one of my most favorite people in the world. She had 8 children but she used to call me her 9th! I'm the 2nd oldest grandchild and spent more time at my grandparent's house than I did my own. They conveniently lived down the block.
She had 2 sisters (Dolores & Marge) and 4 brothers (Vincent, Joseph, Gerard, and William). When she got together with her sisters to play cards they laughed until they cried. I laughed too but I had no idea what I was laughing about lol. She was the kind of grandmother that let you hang out when she had card night with her sisters and she'd take me to practice old 1940s type dancing with her and her sisters and sisters in law. Why would a 9 or 10 year old girl want to do all of those things with her grandmother? Because she made it fun and I genuinely loved being around her.
We were a very working class Irish Catholic family. But, every Christmas my Gram and I would go and buy gifts for those in our neighborhood we knew were struggling. We didn't tell anyone and my grandmother made it clear that the people we were leaving the gifts for could never find that it was us. She said, "This isn't about glorifying what we are doing, it's not to brag. It's to do something nice even when you get nothing in return". Our parish had "shut-ins" which were the elderly that had difficulty cooking meals or doing chores. My grandmother would say to me, "let's go, we're visiting Mrs. Kelly today". Off we'd go and I knew what it meant. We WOULD visit Mrs. Kelly but we'd take turns sitting and talking to her while the other was washing the dishes or vacuuming or doing the laundry or heating up soup.
My grandmother left such a mark on me that I ended up getting a master's degree in social work. To be honest, I learned more from her than I did ever did in college. I named my daughter after her except I cheated a little and named my daughter Victoria Mary instead of Mary Victory (because I didn't want to put my kid through that...I mean, c'mon that's a weird name, Victory!).
Anyway, the day we lost her my mom just showed up at my work. I was like "What are you doing here?" It was like seeing your teacher at the supermarket. Work was work and my mom was...well, different than my work.
She said she didn't want to tell me over the phone but, "Gram died".
I had heard the term "primal scream" before but never thought I'd experience it. Well, I did. I don't remember it because I just kind of blacked out for a bit. She died of a pulmonary embolism at 72...2 days before her birthday. Then in 2014, my mom died at 62 of a pulmonary embolism. I had a blood clot (DVT) about 9 years ago in my upper arm (weird place to have one, I know). I'm on blood thinners now that the entire family has taken tests to see what was going on. I'm 51 now. Gram at 72, mom at 62...I tell my husband he better spoil me now bc we've only got a year left. I'm kidding (I think!). He doesn't think it's funny, but I got that dark sense of humor from my Grandpop (her husband).
Mary V. was one of a kind and I miss her (and my mom) every single day. I wish everyone was blessed with a Gram like her.
Mary Hofstaedter
Mary Hofstaedter
Mary Victory (Dowdle) Hofstaedter of 3539 Chalfont Drive, in Philadelphia, Philadelphia County, PA was born on October 29, 1925 in Philadelphia, and died at age 72 years old on October 27, 1998. Mary Hofstaedter was buried at Resurrection Cemetery in Philadelphia.
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